January 6, 2018
By: Becky Ogle
Forgiveness.
Grudges. One thing I know is that I am AH-mazing at them! The worst being when someone I love is effected by the sharp tongue or actions of others. My kids and my husband being the top of the list. There was a time within the last year that my husband was on the receiving end of a tongue lashing. He was quiet and let the person finish as it appeared they needed to say it. I was witness to it. It took everything I had to not say anything. After all, he is an adult and we would talk through it later. The fact is, the people we were around were people that had I said something like that to any of them, they all would have let loose on me. But you could hear a pin drop after all was said and done. My heart hurt for my husband and turned to fire when thinking of the attacker. Since that interaction, there has been few words I would utter to them. After all, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, right?
Remember my previous post about "anger"? Yeah, like a fire in my belly with any interaction. Still one that continues today. I am the same with anything with my children or my parents. However, the previous example is the one I will focus on with this post.
This is my thought process as I read the quote above. "First to Apologize..." - I will take the low road and I am okay with not being referred to as "brave". But let's be real, I don't need to apologize because I was a bystander. I was out of the conversation all together. "First to Forgive..." - yeah.....that's not gonna happen. End of story. And I know I am "strong"...strong-willed. The last one, I might have the biggest issue with. There is no way that people can truly forgive. "Move on" maybe. But unless you use the red light flashy thing from the movie Men in Black, there is no way people can forget anything. That is a legitmate belief; I do not believe people forget.
Now this is a fairly fresh grudge and I often will tell myself a time that I have to be over it by. Example: I am mad at soemthing that happened at work = 24 hours to be angry and then I need to move one, etc. Not forgive. Move on. Suppress. Talk to my husband and get some insight. And move on. Did I say, move on?
The Bible says....
Matthew 7:12 The Passion Translation (TPT)
The Golden Rule
12 “In everything you do, be careful to treat others in the same way you’d want them to treat you, for that is the essence of all the teachings of the Law and the Prophets.”
DANG IT! The Bible strikes again. My question is what if the person treated you (or someone you love) poorly first? Can one simply avoid the person? In my case, unfortunately, I can't. So, this verse implies that I need to "kill her with kindness". Couldn't I simply avoid them and not talk to them at all? I mean, it will only end badly when words are spoken. Silence speaks volumes and might be safest form for my anger. I am literally beyond answers and I don't feel as though this verse is truly helping me. It isn't something that I can approach the person about because that means at least 5 other people have to get involved. They are defended and I am not. Again I ask, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!?????? I am out of ideas, even in my irrational mind.
This post ends with no resolution. No more ideas. No more clarity. Because I am still - very much - a work in progress. And so tonight I will go to bed and pray for resolution and I will again and again until things are revealed to me. It is all in God's time.
I leave you with this.....
Having an unforgiving heart leads to bitterness, and a heart that is bitter can not love as it ought to love.
No comments:
Post a Comment