Slow to Anger

January 2, 2019

By: Becky Ogle

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 

“Slow to anger”.  Ugh.  I admit that this is something I struggle with every single day.   It goes all the way back to my childhood.  When you repress things that long, things are only going to get worse without intervention. 

When I was in nursing school, I worked in In Home Health Care.  There was a couple I cared for and that sweet lovable man was such a slow speaker that it initially drove me bananas.  But in my time there, he would remind me how fast I talked and then as time went on he reminded me how fast I reacted, how fast I drove, how fast I lived my life.  It took awhile for me to realize how right he was.  I found myself contemplating all he said so often that I started thinking before I said anything.  Novel thought, right?  By doing that, I slowed down my talking, my heartrate, and my anger.   I still drove too fast but that is a bigger process.   He and I would have talks about my frustration, not because I was in trouble or treating them poorly, but because he would see it in my communication with others, in my stories, and in my body language.   I moved on from that job when I graduated and he passed on about 4 months later but his words were solidified in my mind and heart forever. 

However, there was a catch.  When you don’t hear something directly to you on a regular basis, the voice in your head tends to soften and then start to disappear altogether.  In the hustle and bustle of new job as an OB nurse, welcoming my third child, and well…..life, that is exactly what happened.  They teach you in nursing school to be confident, let your voice be heard, and advocate for your patients.  Those are not done quietly or at least they weren’t for me.  Things continued to escalate and my anger crept back up to my original level, if not worse.  It is something I recognized but told myself I didn’t have time to deal with right then.   It wasn’t immediate but over my eight years in OB, mixed with graduate school and sprinkled with an increasingly busy family it was inevitable that I would slip back into my old self. 

This year, it came to a head.  I almost always misconstrued the communication I had with others.  It was worst at home and that strained my marriage so much and stressed out my children and even the dog.  No one knew how to help me.  I didn’t know how to help me.   I sought help from a counselor and a psychiatric NP in the past and started again.  I apologized regularly but never enough to my friends and family for my behavior.  Luckily they love me and forgave me.  There were plenty of people that I pushed/scared away that won’t ever come back and I have to deal with that going forward. 

There will always be those people that you know you should just stay away from because they know your buttons and will ALWAYS push them.  But there are also people that due to certain situations that you don’t have that option.  Let me tell you, those are the toughest to deal with because those are the ones you CAN’T say a word because it effects the people around you.  I haven’t mastered passive aggressive nor am I looking to do so.  On the flip side, I haven’t mastered confrontation of any kind that involves rational thinking.  If I were to even dribble out a few words, it would be this volcano of years of repressed anger and all the wrongs done or said to me.  So I sit, quiet, annoyed, and boiling with rage.  That is what I am currently dealing with.  How do you go about calming yourself in these situations?  The answer is easy but still so difficult to hone in on in the moment of irrational thinking.

 

The answer is God. 

The answer is there in the opening scripture.  God couldn’t be clearer.  But HOW do we do those things?  My short answer is self-reflection, awareness of the situation at hand, preparedness if you know you are going to be in an unavoidable situation, and prayer.   I pray anywhere: in my car, my office, with my patients, and out loud with my family.  They don’t always make sense and most certainly do not follow a script.  Most of the time it is a one sided conversation of me talking to God just like I would anyone physically in front of me. 

This blog is my outlet, my self-reflection, and my hope is that through it I find new ways of coping.  It isn’t meant to be an “answer” for any readers but I firmly believe it is a path given to me by God to explore and grow through. 

Lord,

I can’t thank you enough for unlimited chances to change, grow, and heal.  My faith in You allows me to always come back to center and refocus my attention towards You.  Please continue to guide and direct me through this life and learn to be thankful even when everything seems dark. 

Amen.