My Journey Beside & For Jesus

January 1, 2019

Faith’s a funny thing. 


“We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps”  Proverbs 16:9

I sit here, blankly staring at my computer, for a good few minutes to decide what comes next.  Content, flow, grammar, punctuation, and humor are just a few of the things racing through my head.  I found the perfect title which took way longer than it should have.  So that must mean this is a pointless endeavor, right?  I mean, c’mon, after all who takes five days to decide on a name for a blog?  Then I come up with the first line.  B-E-A-utiful!  Now what. 

You see, I have done surprisingly little research on the topic of blogs.  However, one of the things that stood out the most was the need for a killer first post.  I have to really bring home, in a short three paragraphs, the clearest and most concise way, to draw people in.  It doesn’t hurt to be funny either.  Well, anyone who knows me can tell you that I am not clear, concise, or funny.  So this is going to be fun.  And if you noticed, this is already paragraph number two and I haven’t even touched on why I am doing this.  Off to a great start. 

2018 was one of many very trying years for me.  But as I have gotten older, I have done the opposite of most, I have become more sensitive to the hardships I am faced with.  More effected.  You see, I was always under the impression that as people get older they become more weathered and callused which allowed them the ability to deal with new hardships.  I have found this not to be true for me.  Which left me wondering and questioning so many things. 

Before I continue, do not misconstrue this paragraph for a bashing of the Catholic Church.  That church was the first church in my life and I am a better person because of it.  It is a mere example of the level at which I craved answers and how far I was willing to go to get them.   I was born into the Catholic Church and attended a private Catholic school from K-8^th grade.  Went to church six days a week.  Completed all my proper sacraments.  And all the while, the only thing I craved was more information about Jesus.  I was inquisitive and ornery.  I challenged thoughts the school had about the Bible which in my school, you did not do.  I was in 5^th grade the first time I was sent to the office for questioning the priest on a passage in the Bible and asking for an explanation on why he was right and I was wrong.  I am sure you are wondering which verse it was in the Bible that I disagreed with and all I can tell you or remember is that I was convinced that Jesus “talked back” to Mary, His mother, when he was a teenager by the way the verse was worded.  I simply stated that that would have been breaking a commandment “Honor Thy Father and Mother”, and if Jesus was infallible then the text couldn’t be right and if the text wasn’t right, then what in the world am I doing here.  That wasn’t well received.  I digress, I love that church and not because of its beliefs or prayers or behaviors but because it will always be “home”.  I have changed churches and denominations several times since then and what I still find is that when I need a bigger closer dose of Jesus, I find a Catholic church to sit in.  When I think of Christmas, I think of Midnight Mass with all the beauty and wonder I find when I am there.  Thus starting my love of Christ. 

Over the next several years, I strayed – really far – from the church.  But God was always there.  Always on my mind, I spoke with Him, I prayed, and I knew He was there and disappointed in me when I was making the worst decisions of my life, but I also knew that when I decided to stop being a twit and come back to the correct path, He would forgive me.  Because He is awesome and I am forgiven.  He is awesome and I am loved.  He is awesome and I am blessed.

 

Anyway, fast forward to present day and my family and I attend a Christian church that we LOVE.  But every single day, I attempt to wrap my head around so many unanswered questions I have.  So many problems that seem unsolvable.  So many new problems that I can’t keep up.  All while talking and praying to Him.  But I wasn’t getting answers.  Things seemed to keep getting harder and more complicated.  My marriage was on the rocks, the kids seemed to be imploding before our very eyes, and I felt like I wanted to just go to sleep and not wake up.  There’s that saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle” and the follow up “I wish He didn’t trust me so much”.  I was the latter.  The ability to let things role off my back as I got older was not happening, not only were no calluses forming, deeper and wider cuts were being made.  And with yet another year passing me by, I realized I needed to look at my life a little closer.  I needed to look at my relationship with God a heck of a lot closer.  And I needed to see where it lead me.  So, I birthed the idea of creating a blog that reviewed many topics but only one a day for a full 365 days.  I am using it to help with my thinking and the ability to look back at the end of the year and hopefully see growth and knowledge gained.  But anything is worth a try to feel like I have my life back in all subject matter (physical, mental, & emotional). 

The overall goal is to use it somewhat as a journal but also as a devotional and with any luck a little hope and encouragement for others.  So, if you actually have read up to this point, I thank you and I hope you find it helpful but I promise nothing. 

If you will refer back to the scripture at the top of the post, you will notice that it is ideal for describing this whole process I am starting.  He is the one leading me to do this, for reasons I do not know at this time.  But I will tell you that I didn't have this plan when I felt the calling to start.  He is always working......always. 

Until tomorrow.